What I have taken from this

I am wrapping up my cultural journal with a summary of what I have learned through doing this over the past few weeks.

Over my life, I have been very blessed with some amazing wonderful opportunities to experience cultures and ways of life around the world.  I have forgotten about many of them and left them in the back of my mind.

Through writing this journal, I have re-kindled many of these cultural experiences and reflections.  This has been pretty awesome.  I am able to re-live and dig up some memories that I didn't know were still there.  I really love traveling to foreign places and think that I have forgotten how great and beneficial it has been in my life.

This short blog has gotten me to want to get out there and go at it again.  I want to go explore new places and visit some old ones now.  Even more so because I have a family of my own.  Sharing global experiences with my wife, son, and (hopefully) future child are what I pledge to do!

Thoughts on English school lunches

When I lived in England, I had the pleasure of experiencing one of the coolest things EVER!  Family Style school lunch!

This is an example of what I had for my time in England

I went to school in the UK for about 5 months and during that time, I enjoyed some very different things about their school system.  The most bizzare and awesome of which was the way that they served their school lunches.  Here is a bit about how it was done.

Every kid was assigned a table.  This table was our lunch table for that year.  We got to know all the people very well, and every day we were assigned different roles in how we would assist with the meal.

The tables were all round and everyone had real china and silverware... Imagine that!  Some would be servers on a given day, while some would clear the table.  Others were assigned to bring certain dishes to the tables, etc...

I don't remember absolutely everything about this, yet I remember enjoying many things about this style of school lunch.

The things that were gained from this are:

- Manners and etiquette

- Conversational skills

- Respect for the food being served

- A chance to get to know my table mates

- A purpose of being during lunch

- Skills that relate to everyday dining

- A reason to take our time while we ate

- Understanding of why we might or might not like something

- Sharing the meal with others


The only thing I didn't like about this style of dining was that they called lunch "dinner."  I never got that and never will!
Anyways, I think American kids could have a lot to learn if we adopted a lunch style similar to this!

Building a house in Juarez Mexico

In 2006, I went down to Mexico to build a small 2 bedroom house in Juarez, Mexico

In front of one of the Casas por Cristo houses.

What the land looks like around Juarez

The organization that I did this with was called Casas por Cristo, or Houses for Christ.  It was through my church.  The goal of the whole trip was not about spreading christianity as much as it was just about giving someone or a family a place to live.  The family that we ended up building for was living in a bus at the time and they had 3 children.  Many of these families that were outside of downtown Juarez were living in busses and making do with what they had.

My family drove down to El Paso TX and then met up with the group we were to go with.  We crossed the border together in the morning and by noon, we had laid the foundation with quick set concrete.  Our meals were all done on site from food we had brought from the US.  The dinners were supplied by the local church and was also from food we had brought from the US.

On the second day, the family that we were building for insisted on making us tacos.  They did so, and the brave people from the group including myself ate them.  They seemed to have been made from cut up hot dog and some sort of salsa.  No one got sick, and I am thankful that I tried them.  They were simple... Very very simple!  I am sorry to say that that is the only authentic Mexican food that I had down there.

Overall, the experience was great.  The things that I will always take away from this are the pictures of all of the people living in broken down busses, cars, and cardboard houses.  It really was an eye opener for me to see the conditions in which people very close to US soils live.  I now see why people cross the border so much and why some may even risk their lives by doing so.

That time I lived in the UK

When I was 9 years old, my family went to live in England.  It was an awesome experience, and one that I will never forget or take for granted. Let me tell you a bit about it!

My mom and dad surprised me one day when they told us that I would be leaving my 4th grade class in February to go live in the UK for about half a year.  It was one of the greatest experiences that a 9 year old kid could ever have!  When my father was in high school, his family left to go live in the UK and he wanted us to have the same experience.  He did this through getting a job as a Universtiy professor at the University of Nottingham in Nottingham England.  This meant that we were to go over a live there for less than a year, go to school and then travel europe in a Saab.

My father left for the UK early and bought a Saab in sweeden.  That was part of the deal, buy a car to have over there, and bring it back to the US when we were done with our travels.  We got to London and spent a week and a half there kind of getting to know the city.  My father has always liked walking and this was a chance for us to walk 5-8 miles per day and see everything that we could.  I immediately loved London and all that it had to offer.  The culture was different, but not that different.

After our time in London, it was time to head up to the Nottingham area to find a place to live for the next few months.  I remember driving to many different places in the city and in the suburbs.  We eventually found a place to live in a little town called Southwell.  This was a place about 40 minutes outside of downtown Nottingham.  This was the place we were to call home.

This is the sarisons head - a pub and hotel we stayed at before moving into the house we rented

The Southwell minster.  I spent many hours here... I was a 9 year old obsessed with architecture and design

Living in Southwell was pretty cool.  I got into a school called Lowes Wong.  It was a primary school and classes seemed fairly similar to those of the 4th grade.  I remember being a little ahead in some areas, while a little behind in others.  School lunches were served family style and I will write about that later...

I walked to and from school every day and swam on a local swim team.  I made friends and wholly enjoyed my time in Southwell.  It was an absolutely amazing experience and no doubt shaped who I am today.  I hope to someday give a complete cultural experience like this to my son!

My Wife's hesitations towards visiting Japan

Since I met my wife in 2007, she has known all about my fascination with Japan and the Japanese people.  I have also known about her disinterest and unwillingness to go visit that amazing country and culture.  I thought that it might be benificial for us to sit down and talk about it since it is something that we have not finalized, and so that we could really understand each other on the situation (which is not all that big of a deal anyways).

So a list of her hesitations

-Being such a different culture
-Long plane ride
-Personal space issues
-Language barriers
-Food
-Isolation
-Again, personal space issues

I think that this one comes down to her feeling a bit out of place and in an unknown situation.  This may come down to her typical stereotypes or to her discomfort of being in such a drastically different environment.

I don't know how we are ever going to settle this one, but I am trying to get my parents to include us on a family trip to Japan sometime soon.  When we went to visit my sister at the end of her work in Thailand, she never got to see Japan.  She wants to, my wife and sister get along, therefore maybe with the help of my sister and the financial blessings of our family, I will get my way!

:)

The importance of learning a foreign language

As citizens of the US, I often feel that we are never really encouraged to get out and learn a foreign language.  I think that this comes from the expectations for our citizens to conform and learn English as a sort of way to be American.

I am currently taking a speech class and one of the students in this class did one of their speeches on the importance of learning a foreign language and it got me thinking and on the same page as him...  I was required to take 2 years of foreign language in High School and chose to take French.  I liked France and liked the idea of taking the language, but never took it very seriously.  I think this is because even though I thought I would go to France, I wouldn't need to really know it.

How naive!

In that mindset, what I was really thinking was that I expected the French to know English, thus expected them to bear the brunt of my shortcomings in order to accommodate me!  I think this is exactly what the rest of our country thinks when it comes to learning a foreign language.  Because it is such a widely known language, we are sitting back and expecting people to learn our language even though we are visiting a place that doesn't normaly speak our language.

After listening to his arguments, I full heartedly agree that we should promote the speaking of foreign language in this country.  I think that with so many spanish speakers in the US right now, it is only right to shift our way of thinking to be a bit less self centered on the global scale and a bit more enlightened by another language.

Just a thought.

My sisters adoption of an African American baby

Autumn Kai Carson - My sisters adopted girl and my beautiful niece!

Here is a picture of Autumn and my son Aiden trying to catch fish

My sister, Erin, always had plans on having a child of her own then adopting another.  That's how it all eventually happened.   She had my nephew, River, on the 4th of July 2007, then started the adoption process.  It was very long.  Very long... Ill tell you a bit about it in this post.  Erin actually found blogging as a way to keep some sanity during the whole process and used blogging about adoption as a subject in her doctoral thesis from St. Thomas University in the process.  Her blog can be found at:  http://eecarson.wordpress.com

Watching my sister go through the adoption process was tough.  It was long and filled with so many ups and downs (not to mention financial support), that it made me appreciate all that do it, and more so, all that have to do it because they are not able to have children of their own.  When Autumn was born, I was lucky enough to meet all 5+ pounds of her a few days later and having just had my first child a few months before, it was special... Really special.

Autumn has grown up with all of us and she has been a part of us since day one.  I hear of so many families who adopt later and find it difficult to form a bond with their child and could not imagine what that would be like.  Read the story below to get a beautiful first hand experience about my sister's story.

A timeline and her story (in her words with her permission):

August, 2010- Our decision to adopt domestically

November 3, 2010 -The first time we were matched with a birth mom

December 1, 2010-  When “Kaiya” was born

December 6, 2010- The day we found out “Kaiya” wasn’t ours

My grief

December 31, 2010- The holidays and another failed adoption

January 6, 2011- When we got matched with “R”

February 6, 2011- Autumn was born! 5lbs 8 oz, 17 inches long

When we found out she was born 1

When we found out she was born 2

First pictures of Autumn

February 9, 2011- This is the night we said goodbye to “R”

June 12, 2011- Autumn’s baptism at Northfield UCC

October 2, 2011- Autumn’s adoption finalization. Happy Adoption Day!

February 6, 2012- Autumn is 1!

Well, I’ve been meaning to write this for quite some time now, so here is the whole story of that week early this February when we met and adopted our little girl…

As you read before, we got the call early Sunday morning before we left Disney World. It was a weird feeling, since we were planning on leaving at 5am Sunday morning, and come around 2am I was awake and strangely anxious just wanting to go back to sleep. At 3am I got the call. I find out at that point that Autumn was born around an hour earlier… just about the time when I woke with that uneasy feeling. Strange how I was connected to her and her birthmom even before I knew what was going on.

I’m up so I look for flights. Nothing seemed easy so we decided that we would go to the airport and that I would fly alone to Salt Lake City. River and Kyle would go back to Minnesota for the evening to pick up the infant car seat and baby stuff. I wished more than anything I could have had those two with me, but I knew I needed to get out there asap, and we needed the “stuff”. I guess I was to do this leg of the journey on my own.

At the airport we splurged and bought one of the only tickets left to Salt Lake City in a first class seat (well, if you’re gunna spend the money, better well be first class!) and I took River and Kyle to their gate and said my good byes before I went and hopped on my flight.

It was the longest airplane ride(s) I’ve ever had.

I arrived in Salt Lake City around 2pm. Got a rental car and headed straight to the hospital. I was a wreck. I was sweating, nervous, and excited. Let’s just say my tummy was feeling funny.

I arrived and met with my case worker from Heart to Heart in the lobby of the hospital. After talking with her for a month on the phone it was really nice to put a face to the name. She then took me upstairs and said that the birth mom, who we’ll call “R” was alone, but soon her social worker was going to show up. But for now, we can go in and meet her.

I walked in the room with my stomach in knots. I saw R and she seemed to recognize me from our profile. I sat at the edge of her bed with some pretty icky flowers and some gifts from Disney World. I asked her how she was feeling and she said pretty good. She was obviously exhausted from the C-section not even 15 hours before, and working through her pain. She looked tired but quickly called the nurse so I could meet our little Autumn.

When they wheeled our 5lb 8oz daughter in she looked like a little doll. So tiny, so sweet. I was excited to see all her hair on her tiny little head, and her fingers were super long compared to the rest of her. When they brought her in I asked R if she wanted to hold her, and she said that she wanted me to.

What a gift.

Autumn was gorgeous and sleepy. Holding her for the first time was wonderful, but I kept talking with R so to concentrate on her for a little while. The whole experience was quite surreal, and very, VERY different from my experience with River. No surprise there.

I was in the hospital that afternoon and evening with R, and whatever case worker/social worker was available. It was nice having more than just R and I, since we had just met, but she was so easy to talk to and wonderful, that it wouldn’t have made any difference either way. There was a lot of small talk in those hours, lots of questions answered, along with changing diapers and feeding Autumn. Oh, and you can’t forget that the day she was born the Packers won the Superbowl. (Which we watched when we weren’t chatting). Yes, little girl, you were born a cheesehead. (Sorry MN fans:)

That evening I was planning on staying in a hotel, but at the last second one of the case workers from the agency suggested that I stay in the hospital. The hospital is a very adoption-friendly hospital, and they put up adoptive parents in a room if they like for free. I thought it would be great and if there was any need for help with Autumn in the middle of the night, I’d be there.

I’m so glad I stayed.

At around 2am I got a call in my room from R saying that Autumn was awake and she asked if I wanted to come down to her room to see her with her eyes open. Of COURSE I said yes, and got myself together enough to go down and see the beautiful little girl’s eyes. I am so thankful for that call from R, not only because I really got to see Autumn’s eyes open for the first time, but also because R and I could really have a “talk”. It was a couple of hours of learning a little more about each other, and our experiences with this adoption. (I told her my sob story, she told me some of hers). It was a few hours in the middle of the night that were completely priceless.

As the morning rolled around (yes, I went back to bed) I went on some errands getting R some comfy clothes and a little bit of breakfast for myself. I returned and had some more talk time with R, and some more cuddle time with Autumn. Some of the social workers from the agency started showing up around noon, since the plan was to have R sign the papers around 1. It was very strategic since R needs to be at the very end of the pain med cycle.

So around 1, I also had to get in the car and go meet Kyle, River and Sandy at the airport that was around a half an hour away. I was getting nervous around that time because of the signing of the papers, since I still was worried that R would change her mind. When I left the hospital, R was holding on pretty tight to Autumn, which I totally understood. But, as you can imagine, it scared me as well.

When I got in the car I called my case worker and asked her to let me know if/when R signed the papers. The whole car ride I was a wreck, but probably not half the wreck R was at that moment.

When I arrived at the airport, my case worker texted me, “She signed, it’s official”.

I cried.

After all we have been through, it was official. I never thought I’d hear (or read) those words.

As I met Kyle, River and Sandy at the airport, I went up to Kyle and told him that he has a daughter. He gave me a goofy smile and a hug. We were both so  relieved.

When we went back to the hospital, my family got to meet its newest member. It was wonderful.

We then did our signing of the papers in a different room, and really, truly made it official.

R seemed good. The woman was the strongest person I’ve ever known. This whole thing mist have been so hard for her, but she was a rock all the way through it. I will always be amazed by her strength.

After we signed the papers, the babysitter who was watching R’s 1-year-old brought him by and Autumn got to meet her full biological brother. He was a DOLL. All boy, and so much fun. River had a little fun with him and we got some pictures of Autumn, R, and her brother. The room got crowded for awhile, but it was fun being together.

Soon after the play time we left, since we were going to stay in the hotel that night, and Kyle and I had to go get some stuff engraved for R before the next day when she and Autumn would be discharged. It was weird leaving Autumn in the hospital, but I was glad to give R some time alone with her if she liked.

After doing some errands and our last evening of a full nights sleep, we returned the next morning with some presents, coffee and a car seat. We sat with R and Autumn for a few hours before discharge, and we gave some small gifts to R. A nice engraved box and bracelet. She seemed to like them, but I felt like they were nothing. Nothing compared to what she was giving us.

As discharge rolled around I got more and more emotional. R got everything together and she left first. Autumn was in the room, and as R was walking out, she came up to her beautiful little girl, paused to stare at her, and then gave her a simple little kiss.

A kiss that was so full of love that I could feel it.

Well, as you guessed it, I sat in the room and cried. And cried. Then when Kyle returned from helping R to the car, it was our turn to leave. After talking to the nurse about Autumn one more time, we got all the information we needed and gathered our stuff and headed out the door with our daughter.

As Kyle has said while telling this story to others, we expected that this time picking up Autumn would be a joyous time. Although becoming a family of four is incredibly joyous, the time in Salt Lake City was not all rainbows and party hats. So much of it was heart wrenching. In that short amount of time I really got to see what love is, especially the love from a mother to a child. R loves Autumn so much. She really, truly she does. She did this so her daughter will have more opportunities than she can give her right now. I could tell that R did not take motherhood lightly, and if she couldn’t give her all to her daughter, she wanted to make sure that someone did.

I am so blessed, so thankful, and so amazed that she thought we were that someone.

So, we didn’t stay much longer. We did the dinner with R the next evening and the morning after that we took the trip to Colorado. It was very fast considering, but it was probably the most memorable trip I will ever take.

I hope someday Autumn reads this story and understands how in awe I am of her biological momma. I am in awe of her strength, her love, and her generosity. I hope she knows that she is loved all the way around. By Kyle and I and River, as well as her birthmom who gave up so much so that her daughter can have all that she deserves.

Autumn, you are truly a loved little girl. Your journey ahead is bright and exciting, and your past is filled with the love of many.

Welcome, my child. We all love you.